Γειά σου σκύλες (greek)

Today is a double feature. So a few days ago US Border Patrol arrest Willie "the man" Nelson for pot possession. Talk about a soft target. So it got me thinking, What the fuck'en hell is going on over there? Do we have a massive influx of illegal aliens coming over the border or not? If not is the illegal immigration issue some CNN "news" bullshit? If so what the fuck are you doing hassling Willie? Shouldn't you be catching border jumpers? So I am going to comment as if illegal immigration is a real problem.

So here goes, "Hey Border Patrol what the fuck are you fuck'en mother fuckers, tax dollar wasting retards fuck'en doing?" Seriously it is Willie Nelson that is how he breathes you dolt!! Did he have a tour bus full of illegal's? You want more funding? For what you going to start issuing parking tickets? You are not awesome, I am awesome you suck. Reach over your fat bellies down into your pants and check for testacles. If you find them go look in a mirror and say to yourself," Holy fuck I am a Federal Agent, trusted bad ass American lawman, I should go earn the fuck'en money the bad MF'ers pay me for the privilege to represent this awesome juggernaught of badassery know as the good ole United States of if you fuck with us we will destroy that ass America (USOIYFWUWWDTAA)!!" if not I will come with all my bad ass buddies take your job and date your mom. Pull your head out of your ass!!

So the moral is do your job or lose it bitch!

Your welcome America,

Shad fing Rach

 

Olá! cadelas

Today stooges we again return to my favorite subject, awesomeness and badassary. So listen up fuck sticks.

 Look at this picture, pure awesome, pure Americana as well. See this individual due to dismal economic situation in this awesome county was forced to move to the communist hippy state of New York. But did the person accept defeat? Fuck no! They hung some balls off the back of their truck, proclaiming victory! Sending a message to anyone behind them that true Americans never surrender.  Not just some little mince balls but big brass bull balls!! Now that is awesome. Now I don't want any confusion hanging balls off your  truck in say any state other than New York, California, or other states considered socialist havens is not awesome it is lame( Chicago I know you're a city but you are walking a thin line my friend, watch your ass hippy).

 So you are all probably thinking well his badassness is on to something. So let me tell you my approach to solving America's issues. Citizenship. Citizenship needs to mean something. National pride is low. Low pride is equal to low self-esteem.  Awesome people don't have low self-esteem. How the fuck are we suppose to handle our shit if we are acting like a bunch of Sally Pussy Pants? Who thinks pussies don't get fucked? For your protection get the fuck off my blog, the awesomeness will blind you. I digress, anyway citizenship that should be the issue we focus on. I am anti-not awesome. If you are not awesome or trying to become awesome they please move back to whatever pussy ass no balls country you came from. I don't give a shit what color, sexual persuasion, origin, or religion you are. If you're a Citizen of the bad ass country of the United States of fucking America then your well on your way to awesomeness. But if you're not get the fuck out. Stop breaking my laws and stop using my shit (urgent care, schools, social programs). If you are one of those fucks who supports this shit then put your money where your mouth is turn in your citizenship and fuck off. America is build for speed bitch and you are a boat anchor.

 People will say who's  going to pick our crops? Hunger is a great motivator. Trust me I know. Follow my thinking for a minute. Pickers will be citizens- making more money- paying taxes( don't get me started on taxes bitches)- boosting US economy- increasing the value of the dollar- strong dollar= increased standard of living for all Bad –ass fuck'en American citizens. Now that is some awesome shit!!!

So the morale of today's lesson is never surrender, if you fall off the proverbial horse get back on that son of a bitch and beat that ass till it succumbs to your badassery.

Your welcome America,

Citizen Shad fing Rach

 

Hallo Weibchen,

Today's topic is relationships. Specifically the American male/female relationship. Apparently the water has become murky on this topic lately and as an American I don't whine about problems I fix them. Now I know what you're thinking this is going to be awesome. And you're right, see loser you're starting to get it.

Now I am married to an awesome woman. As many of you know I married Judy after one date, a lunch date to be exact. If you're not awesome don't try that. Now Mrs. Miller was not made awesome by me. She was already a bad-ass chick. So let me tell you what makes her awesome. Me not acting like a little pussy. Turns out chicks hate that. Also she tells me what she wants because I listen. Everything you need to know about a woman is easy just fucking ask them. If they trust you they will tell you. If you can't be trusted stop reading my blog you fuck!! Go back to your sissy country, yes Spain I'm talking about you you're the new France!! That is not to say you won't get that one that likes to be cryptic. You will know her when you meet her. She will say stuff like." You should know what I want," or," you shouldn't have to ask you should know." Gentlemen if you meet that bitch break contact, run the fuck away. No 2^nd chances she will not change. Don't waste your time. If I wanted a puzzle I would have bought one! (Yes an actual quote I told a bitch) Cool chicks don't want a guy that will bend to their will; they want the fucking bad ass American male that kicks ass. Pussies need not apply! If you're a whiney bitch how are you going to dominate that vagina? You're not the v-jay jay will control you. Fuck that shit turn in your citizenship and get the fuck out, I hear Canada is nice. For example I was dating a lady we will call her "Jennifer" obviously a cool chick cause she was with me. This one time a gas station attendant in Newport Beach was mean to her. She was very upset and called me to vent about this asshole. Something about how women from his country didn't talk to men like that, some hajji bullshit. I went to the gas station to kick this pussy Taliban/Al Qaeda ass, cause that's what Americans do we kick ass. He refused to come out of the station. So I activated the gas stations emergency fuel cut-off switch. He was so fucked. Huge gas station jam packed with customers. When rich people can't fill up there massive SUV's they get pissed. Police were called. I got away, the fuzz couldn't catch me. ha ha fuck you NBPD eat less you fat asses. Jennifer found out what I did she called me an idiot and a crazy told me how wrong that was but later during the intimate times I could see how appreciative she was, now that is some Deeds not Words shit there. Awesome I know but it's my life.

Now it is not all basassery on the guys' part. Listen up ladies! Don't be a puzzle. Fucking guys don't like that shit. Tell a guy what you want not what you think he wants to hear. If he is an awesome guy you won't scare him off because awesome guys aren't scared of lame shit. If he is not an awesome guy then he will piss off. And damn it ladies don't let guys that are not awesome bang you. Because then they go around thinking they are awesome. Then awesome guys like me have to fuck up their faces. It is just not fair to the pussies of our society. Besides how good do you think the banging is going to be? Dogshit. Just quit ladies, join a softball team and hook up with a bull dyke. Guess what you are still going to have to tell your girlfriend what you honestly want so bam now you have the same problem. News flash ladies if you tell guys stupid shit don't be surprised when you become the cat lady.

So moral of the story be honest, don't be a pussy, don't bang not awesome people and for the love of everything you hold dear people if someone awesome like me is in your life don't tell them you appreciate them show them. Personally I like to be thanked with a great blow job. Your welcome America.

Shad fing rach

Como estas bitches,

Today's topic is Cool shit. You are all lame so I'm going to help you out. Call it pro bono, that is not to say I like U2, it means here is some charity you ignorant fuck.

A few months back I rode a donkey. Now if I was a dirty mexican't or a stinky hajji that would not be cool but I'm a red-blooded entitled bad-ass mother fuck'in American. So that makes it cool. Further making this event the badassery that it is I had to chase the Donkey while wearing body armor and a helmet. Now a douche bag would not mention the fact that I had help from my man-servant Fahim Nori (the coolest fuck'in Afghani) so thanks Fahim. Yes pussies I have a man servant. And I did all this while on my free trip to Afghanistan. That's right I won I free trip, you know why? cause I'm a winner.

So the moral of the story is don't be a pussy, give credit where credit is due, and ask yourself, "Is what I'm doing cool" If the answer is not a resounding yes them don't do it. Life is to short not to be Awesome

Now I know what your thinking,"Fuck this dude is awesome!"

Your welcome America.

Shad Fing Rach